Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Can You Speak Louder Please, My Hearing Isn't What It Used To Be

As we near what seems to be the end of summer, I'm catching myself sitting back and reflecting on it. The good and the bad. Fun and not so fun times. So far, I've come up with one word to describe me for this summer. Uncomfortable. I feel like I'm on a giant roller coaster ride complete with wooden engineering and the bars that hold you in, not the upgraded and far more comfortable harnesses they use, but just a metal bar. Currently, I'm living in a house with my family that isn't ours, were just borrowing it. My parents are sleeping in the living room, and I, a 21 year old ( I guess you could say man) is sharing a room with his one and only younger brother. I love him, but were just too old for this.

On top of that, my dreams and aspirations are a cluster of confusion in itself. Anyone who knows me longer than 5 minutes knows that my passion is music. My 8 to 5 is cars, which is another passion of mine, but to a lesser extent. Could I work on cars the rest of my life and enjoy it? Absolutely. If something in music came around and it came to make the decision to drop cars, would I do it? Absolutely. What I can't seem to figure out is why I have these hopes and dreams, but nothing seems to be happening to reassure these hopes and dreams. And the bigger question is, God whats going on? Why, if this is just nothing and nothing is happening, and it will continue to stay nothing, am I still left feeling like there should be something?

Despite all of this, my relationship with Meagan is amazing, and she has played a huge part in my sanity this summer, along with all of my friends, but that uncomfortable feeling still lingers there and I hate it. I don't want it there. It's driving me crazy. The new house will be done soon, which fixes the home situation, but regardless, that's just a shim in a telephone pole. The only thing I can make of this is that God is trying to teach me patience. I just need to be ready to listen when He is ready to speak.