A day without music is like a day without sunshine.

So lately I've taken notice to how much music actually means to me and, when I don't have the ability to listen to it ( or music that I actually like listening to), I feel like coming apart at the seams. Two weekends ago, my Ipod disappeared out of nowhere, which is depressing in itself, but while I work, I always have music (music that I actually want to listen to) going on in the background. Well last week I didn't have it at all and was stuck listening to hip hop and rap. Now I'm not bashing that genre of music in the least bit, but when the same 12 songs are played on the radio over and over, it becomes a bit redundant.

Where am I going with this you may ask. The answer: I really don't know. Venting maybe? All I know is that this week, I gotta do it all over again. God help me.

To Touch Base....

So I've decided that I am absolutely horrible at keeping this blog up, which is sad since I do actually have a lot going on in my head. So I apologize to the people who actually read my blog, or lack there of. Now this post is pretty vast, kinda random, ok really random, but stuff that for whatever reason, I just felt like sharing. So here you go.

To kind of catch you up to speed a bit, a lot has gone on the past few months. A Promotion, a retreat, a first relationship, a first break up, and a reminder that now more than ever, I need God. When people asked how my relationship with God was, I never really knew how to answer them because I never really had one. I knew who God was, and I accepted Jesus, but I never really jumped into the actual living what I believed part. Recently I finally realized this and so I've been working on having a real relationship with God. Putting time and effort into it, which I've been struggling with a bit, trying to build good habits and what not. I'm easily distracted.

Now I listen to music quite a bit. It's definitely a passion and a past time for me, and what I've noticed with myself and I'm sure its the same with a lot of people is that music affects my moods and thoughts. So if I'm listening to.... oh lets say, Coldplay, I tend to do a lot of thinking. ( Yes I am listening to them now). When I listen to bands like Underoath or Attack Attack!, I'm usually pumped. Now to be completely honest, I'm not sure why I'm telling you this, but thats what I'm thinking about. I find it facinating.

Now I've recently, for probably the 100th time stopped smoking and am quitting again. Now people have come up to me before and asked, uh......why do smoke? You don't look like someone who would. To be honest, it's the biggest mistake I've made in my life and I regret it everytime I light one up, but it's an addiction just like a drug or starbucks coffee. So now I'm at the point where I am just so sick of it. The taste, the smell, the smell of me after it, and only the effects that it has on me, but everyone else around me. Nobody wants to be around that!

This is quite a November the 4th/5th

So I've had some friends come in from out of town. They are in a band and currently on tour,( myspace.com/iseestarsmusic ) and I've been having so much fun hanging with them again and just catching up. A few days ago though, I really didn't know what to think about it. When I heard they were coming into town, I was excited, but at the same time, not. For those of you who do know, I'm from Michigan, and these guys if you haven't connected the dots, are also from there, but I've been trying so hard the whole time that I've been in Arizona to keep the life that I had in Michigan, well in Michigan. So when I found out they were coming, at first I really didn't know what to think, but ever since they got here, I've been realizing how much of a mistake it is that I put distance between myself, and the relationships that I had back there, and that the whole time spent there wasn't all bad. That I have good friends, and even family still back there, and that God put me there for some reason through that point in my life, and that the relationships that I gained by living there, were a blessing from God.

Never underestimate the word "Challenge"

So this past weekend was the men's challenge and to be honest, I didn't think it would be all that challenging. Fortunately for me, I was dead wrong. It pretty much was a an entree of your an idiot with a side of please kick here. Dean talked about looking at life through Gods lens and not our own. We sit there and we don't understand why God allows certain things to happen in our life, or when things don't go the way we want them to, we get upset and frustrated. We don't look at the big picture. We don't see what God is seeing. We see what we allow/want ourselves to see.

Ya, this weekend was tough, but on Saturday night, it got just a wee bit more challenging. I was told that some changes were going to be made, and that I wasn't going to be playing the final set Sunday morning like I was supposed to. Now some of you may or may not know this, but playing drums for worship is my passion. I love it. It's the single most favorite thing that I do through my weeks and when I was told that, I practically exploaded with anger and frustration, but before I did, I caught myself. I slowly started to realize that maybe I needed this. Maybe God wanted to show me something. Maybe, I need to just take a back seat and not do things my way this time.

Times like these are tough, but I'm slowly learning different things that are slowly shaping me into the man I want to be. Gotta love it.

An Unexpected Change of Events

So tonight I had made some plans to hang out with some friends for dinner, and one of my friends accidentally double booked himself, which even I've done because I'm just so..... popular? Anyways, I eventually found myself a few rows from the back of a Lincoln Brewster concert. Now I've never really been a big fan of Lincoln Brewster's music, but don't get me wrong, the man is an amazing musician, like ridiculous. I gotta admit, the cat's got some chops, but what hit me tonight wasn't his music. He started to give us a little insight into his past. He talked about how his home life wasn't at all what it should have been and about his step dad, and then he talked about what his pastor told him. He said (and I'm not gonna bother quoting because I don't think this is exact but..) he said something like It's not about were you came from, but about where your going. At that point, I realized something. I realized that for a while, I've been dwelling in the past. Holding grudges, bad habits, and that what is done is over with and won't come back around. That I should be looking towards the future. God has something in store for me.... I'm not sure what it is, but I need to learn to let what has happened go, and embrace what is to come.