Can You Speak Louder Please, My Hearing Isn't What It Used To Be

As we near what seems to be the end of summer, I'm catching myself sitting back and reflecting on it. The good and the bad. Fun and not so fun times. So far, I've come up with one word to describe me for this summer. Uncomfortable. I feel like I'm on a giant roller coaster ride complete with wooden engineering and the bars that hold you in, not the upgraded and far more comfortable harnesses they use, but just a metal bar. Currently, I'm living in a house with my family that isn't ours, were just borrowing it. My parents are sleeping in the living room, and I, a 21 year old ( I guess you could say man) is sharing a room with his one and only younger brother. I love him, but were just too old for this.

On top of that, my dreams and aspirations are a cluster of confusion in itself. Anyone who knows me longer than 5 minutes knows that my passion is music. My 8 to 5 is cars, which is another passion of mine, but to a lesser extent. Could I work on cars the rest of my life and enjoy it? Absolutely. If something in music came around and it came to make the decision to drop cars, would I do it? Absolutely. What I can't seem to figure out is why I have these hopes and dreams, but nothing seems to be happening to reassure these hopes and dreams. And the bigger question is, God whats going on? Why, if this is just nothing and nothing is happening, and it will continue to stay nothing, am I still left feeling like there should be something?

Despite all of this, my relationship with Meagan is amazing, and she has played a huge part in my sanity this summer, along with all of my friends, but that uncomfortable feeling still lingers there and I hate it. I don't want it there. It's driving me crazy. The new house will be done soon, which fixes the home situation, but regardless, that's just a shim in a telephone pole. The only thing I can make of this is that God is trying to teach me patience. I just need to be ready to listen when He is ready to speak.

Distracted much?

So lately I've been catching myself reflecting on life a bit more than usual. Personally I hate it when I do this because I look at my life and I see all the crap that I need to clean up. Everything from character traits to my sun tan. Weird? Yes I know. Although it's a pain, I think it's good to go through. Something huge that I've been noticing with myself is how distant I've grown from God. It's so easy to just drift away. You forget to read and pray and have time to reflect on what God does in your life everyday. I know I'm not the only one who has done this, but it's quite obnoxious isn't it? The creator of the universe who cares enough about you to actually have a personal relationship with you, but we just through what He offers us out the window.

It just goes to show you how easy it is to get caught up in daily life and whats going on around us. Friends, relationships with significant others, modern technology, and my personal favorite, music... they all seem to take a higher priority. If only we weren't so easily distracted.

Haircuts...... why must they be so difficult

So its 3:45 pm on this lovely Monday afternoon. I am supposed to be getting my haircut in about 15 minutes, and I have no idea what I want to do and it's really bugging me. Why must this be such a difficult task? So ridiculous.

A day without music is like a day without sunshine.

So lately I've taken notice to how much music actually means to me and, when I don't have the ability to listen to it ( or music that I actually like listening to), I feel like coming apart at the seams. Two weekends ago, my Ipod disappeared out of nowhere, which is depressing in itself, but while I work, I always have music (music that I actually want to listen to) going on in the background. Well last week I didn't have it at all and was stuck listening to hip hop and rap. Now I'm not bashing that genre of music in the least bit, but when the same 12 songs are played on the radio over and over, it becomes a bit redundant.

Where am I going with this you may ask. The answer: I really don't know. Venting maybe? All I know is that this week, I gotta do it all over again. God help me.

To Touch Base....

So I've decided that I am absolutely horrible at keeping this blog up, which is sad since I do actually have a lot going on in my head. So I apologize to the people who actually read my blog, or lack there of. Now this post is pretty vast, kinda random, ok really random, but stuff that for whatever reason, I just felt like sharing. So here you go.

To kind of catch you up to speed a bit, a lot has gone on the past few months. A Promotion, a retreat, a first relationship, a first break up, and a reminder that now more than ever, I need God. When people asked how my relationship with God was, I never really knew how to answer them because I never really had one. I knew who God was, and I accepted Jesus, but I never really jumped into the actual living what I believed part. Recently I finally realized this and so I've been working on having a real relationship with God. Putting time and effort into it, which I've been struggling with a bit, trying to build good habits and what not. I'm easily distracted.

Now I listen to music quite a bit. It's definitely a passion and a past time for me, and what I've noticed with myself and I'm sure its the same with a lot of people is that music affects my moods and thoughts. So if I'm listening to.... oh lets say, Coldplay, I tend to do a lot of thinking. ( Yes I am listening to them now). When I listen to bands like Underoath or Attack Attack!, I'm usually pumped. Now to be completely honest, I'm not sure why I'm telling you this, but thats what I'm thinking about. I find it facinating.

Now I've recently, for probably the 100th time stopped smoking and am quitting again. Now people have come up to me before and asked, uh......why do smoke? You don't look like someone who would. To be honest, it's the biggest mistake I've made in my life and I regret it everytime I light one up, but it's an addiction just like a drug or starbucks coffee. So now I'm at the point where I am just so sick of it. The taste, the smell, the smell of me after it, and only the effects that it has on me, but everyone else around me. Nobody wants to be around that!